What the Akatsuki Do When They're Bored
by ma-yonaka14
Summary: This is my first installment in my Naruto story, The story is about what each of the Akatsuki members do when they are bored. This one is about what Itachi...well...does in his spare time. The rest are coming! I will try to do one every week.
1. Itachi

**What the Akatsuki Do When They're Bored**

**Itachi**

It was a stormy day. Most of the Akatsuki were out on the move, and only Itachi was left to guard their hideout. Itachi was bored, watching T.V. all day (when the cable was out) was _quite_ the adventure. Itachi was sprawled out on the couch with a bowl half filled with popcorn sitting on his stomach. He was also half asleep, but vaguely aware of his surroundings. The pounding rain outside was what was keeping him from his slumber. Itachi sighed and then sat up, spilling the popcorn in the process.

"What to do?" Itachi thought to himself. He looked down at the spilt popcorn and walked down the hall, not bothering to clean it up. He was going to head into the kitchen to get some ramen, but stopped by Kisame's room.

"Hmmm. It's a mess in here, well let me clean it up." Itachi said out loud. He stepped in the cluttered room, but was instantly distracted by the mirror. His image was displayed on the metal surface.

"I must do something with my hair." He thought and began rummaging through Kisame's stuff. He picked up the old food, and other trash, and burned it with Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu. With the rest of the stuff scattered out on the floor, Itachi neatly put it back in its rightful place. Itachi made Kisame's bed, polished the window, and categorized his books. Itachi took a good look around the now clean room then started to leave, but stopped when he spotted Kisame's fish.

It really freaked him out.

First of all, its name was Scratch, which is an odd name for a fish. The way the gold fish was blue _instead_ of orange disturbed Itachi the most, though. And the way its tail fin was rather ripped and torn was also frightening. It was also fat. Kisame over fed the fish. He fed it three times a day, when he was only supposed to feed it once a day. The fish was also seven years old. Kisame won it at a carnival during his first years in the Akatsuki. Though there was one good thing from the nightmare fish. The blue, torn, fat, old fish could do tricks. Kisame found that one out when the fish was two years old. He was just messing around, saying that the fish was retarded and that it couldn't do tricks. So Kisame told it to flip and it did.

Scratch did a flip for Itachi. He threw in some food and left after that. Itachi found himself walking down the long hallway to the kitchen again. He glanced over to the right side of the hallway to look at one of the paintings Pein put up. It was of a little girl, she was in a forest. There wasn't much light, except from the moon. The only other interesting thing in the picture was of a muzzle of some kind of creature. There was drool dripping down from the barred fangs. Itachi continued to the next painting. It had the exact same background as the one before. The only difference was that there was no little girl or a muzzle, just a pile of blood where the girl once stood. Itachi shivered and looked over his shoulder; Pein's paintings disturbed him even more than Scratch.

Itachi was close to the end of his journey down the hallway to the kitchen. His stomach was growling by the time he got close enough to see the kitchen. He passed Deidara's room, the last one before the kitchen, but stopped and stepped inside. The room was oddly clean. The floor was visible, the piles of clay in the corner were clean, and the closet doors actually were closed. Itachi's suspicion soon rose. He looked around the room, expecting something to jump out at him, but found nothing of the sorts. He opened the closet to find Deidara's cloaks neatly hung and everything else in its place. The only other place to check was the dresser.

Itachi stepped over to it and randomly picked a drawer to examine. All of Deidara's non-Akatsuki clothes were in order. Itachi was shocked to see what kind of clothes Deidara had to wear though. Most all of them were pink and blue. Itachi pulled out a pink and blue vest and held it up against him. It looked like it would fit. So Itachi slipped out of his cloak and let it fall to the floor. He then stretched, feeling the fishnet shirt and pants rub against his skin, and pulled the vest over his head. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought that he actually made it look good. Itachi opened up another drawer and pulled out a pair of blue and pink stripped pants. He slipped on the pants and looked in the mirror again. He thought he looked fantastic!

So Itachi continued pulling out Deidara's clothes and trying them on, completely forgetting how hungry he was in the process. After about thirty minutes, Itachi's hungriness got the best of him and he walked out into the kitchen in Deidara's pink tank top and blue checkered shorts. He started himself a bowl of ramen and then went back to playing with Deidara's clothes. After a little longer though, Itachi heard a noise, it was coming from out side. He teleported into the entrance way to see who was coming in. When he got there, he hid behind a large boulder and saw the great rock wall move away to reveal Deidara. Itachi muttered a curse under his breath and teleported back into the hideout. He quickly stripped off Deidara's clothes and threw them back into the dresser. After that he calmed down by finishing cooking his ramen. Deidara walked in the kitchen soon after Itachi sat down and started eating his ramen.

"Hey Itachi! How was your day?" Deidara asked while grabbing a pear.

"Fine, thanks for asking. How was yours?" Itachi said in between spoonfuls of soup.

"It was fantastic. I stopped the rebel ninja in one blow!" Deidara said cheerfully. He then walked into his room and shut the door. Itachi waited for a few intense moments, but Deidara didn't yell his name. Suddenly the door to Deidara's room opened up and he jumped out.

"Did you try on any of my clothes?" Deidara boomed.

"Never." Itachi answered with a straight face.

"Then why is your cloak in my room?" Deidara asked, leaving Itachi speechless.

"Itachi!!!" Deidara yelled.

Itachi quickly finished his soup and ran in the opposite direction, away form Deidara, who was close on his tail.


	2. Deidara

**What the Akatsuki Do When They're Bored**

**Deidara**

Deidara was in the middle of the Akatsuki's party. He wasn't having any fun at all. The other members were dancing and drinking in the living room. They had been doing the same thing for about ten hours. Deidara hadn't bothered to party at all for about three hours now, he was in his room sitting on his bed. He clearly was not in a party mood. He had done many sculpting in the hours while sitting in his room. There were clay birds flying around, spiders on the ground, bugs hopping from place to place, and fish flopping along the floor. At first, Deidara was enjoying their company, but now he was annoyed.

Deidara slowly rose from his sitting position, startling a few clay bugs, and now stood in the middle of his room. His creations came scrambling over to him, expecting something. They started crawling up his legs and flew near his face. Deidara got really annoyed, so he screamed. The clay creatures scattered and hid in all the available places in his room. He smiled in relief and walked out the door. He headed in the kitchen and walked out in the entranceway of the base. He could still hear the annoying music of the party. He strolled up to the mailbox and got the mail. As he was walking back, he looked through the pile of papers in his hand. A smile crept up his face, his magazine had come.

He ran inside and threw the other magazines on the floor. He ran into his room and sat on his bed. He ripped the plastic cover off of the magazine and flipped it over. Deidara was staring at this month's issue of _ClayBoy_.

On the cover was a model of a clay statue. It was a woman slightly covered with a robe. Deidara enjoyed looking at it. He opened up the magazine and found that the next few pages were ads. He quickly skipped through them and came to the contents section. He looked trough the different titles and saw one that caught his eye. _Clay Creations from_ _Undiscovered Artists_ was the title of the article. He had submitted some of his creations and he was dieing to see if he made the article. He flipped to the page and slowly turned the pages of the article. He was hunting for his picture, a picture of one of his creations, his name, anything… he soon found it. The part about him was short, a small paragraph to be exact. Deidara didn't care he just read it.

_S-ranked missing nin is an artist! Well known missing nin, Deidara, from Iwagakure is an outstanding artist! She has special abilities, such as mouths on the palms of her hands, to mold the clay into shape. Her creations are of bugs, birds, fish, and arachnids; she is quite the observer of nature. Then she enlarges it by the use of her chakra. Deidara can also make her creations explode in her self defense. But seriously, let us all get to the real deal. Deidara is a fantastic female artist, she can finally prove to the men that females are just as good at art._

The rest showed pictures of Deidara's creations, but Deidara didn't look at them… he was too furious. The editors called him a woman! He was outraged; he snatched a book from his shelf and tore it in half. He made his clay creations explode in his rage, leaving a thick cloud of smoke in his room. Deidara kicked open the door and let the smoke spill out into the hall. He sat back down on his bed again, and he slowly calmed down. He picked up his once beloved _ClayBoy_ magazine and threw it on the floor. The small mature content booklet slid out, it was Deidara's favorite part, but he didn't care. He hung his head low and supported it with his hands. His forehead suddenly got wet. Deidara looked up and saw the mouths on his palms drooling. Their tongues were moving like snakes, they seemed to catch Deidara's attention.

"Hey boys," He said in a defeated voice. "How are things down there?"

"Fine masshhter. We're fantasshhtic!" the right hand said.

"We are having the time of our livesshh." the left hand added.

"Well my life is crappy!" Deidara snapped. "Everyone now thinks I'm a girl." The mouths on his hands turned from smiles to frowns. They suddenly went sympathetic towards him.

"Aww, masshhter…we sshhtill love you." They both said in unison.

"Thanks guys, I love you too." Deidara said and put on a smile.

"Hey masshhter, did the new isshhue of ClayBoy come in…the mature content one?" The right palm asked.

"Huh," Deidara mumbled, obviously zoning off. "Ya it's on the floor…I don't really care."

The left hand gasped. "You mean you haven't looked at it yet? Sshhame on you" Deidara nodded. The right hand was reaching for the booklet; Deidara grabbed it and brought it on the bed. He opened it up and the images cheered him up instantly. His hands also showed wide grins. They started licking the pages and gladly talked between licks.

"Mm…masshhter…we…love it. Itsshh the besshht isshhue yet." They both said. Deidara turned the page and they started to lick more rapidly, Deidara even joined in himself. They were all enjoying themselves licking the mature booklet. Everytime the page was turned, the excitement grew. But with all the excitement, Deidara didn't hear the footsteps heading toward his room.

"Deidara, Deidara. We ordered another pizza, do you want some?" It was Zetsu. He peeked in the open door way and asked again. "Deidara, do you wan…… I don't even want to know" Zetsu took another look at his psychotic teammate and then hurriedly headed toward the party. Deidara didn't care about the party at all; he was having the time of his life here.


	3. Tobi

**What the Akatsuki Do When They're Bored**

**Tobi**

Tobi was left alone in the Akatsuki's hideout. He was lonely. All of the other members were out on missions and wouldn't be back for some time. Watching T.V. all day with only a plushy really hurt him. He was holding his plushy in one hand and a melting ice cream cone in the other (to comfort him). Tobi was watching the nature channel and learning the mating habits of reindeer. He _really_ wanted to be out with his fellow members.

Tobi got up and accidentally spilled the ice cream on the floor. He panicked and ran to get a paper towel. He rushed back with a bundle of paper towels in his hands. He threw them on the pink puddle and started scrubbing. He spent an hour cleaning up the mess. Then he grabbed the bundle of wet paper and threw it away. Then Tobi noticed the _Quick Be Gone_ spray on the counter. Its motto was _Spots, Stains, Scratches, and more, with Quick Be Gone spray it vanishes_. Tobi started waving his arms in frustration…he was mad. He left the stain as it was and went in his room.

He took off his mask and started polishing it. But he stopped and took a good look at it. It looked like a basketball.

Tobi remembered what Deidara would often say to him. _"You know, basketball-head, you sure are annoying."_ And what Kakuzu said too, _"Your head…it's retarded…and has no money worth at all."_ And there was no way he could forget what Kisame said, _"Even a fish could beat you at basketball."_ Tobi had to get a new mask.

So Tobi quickly gathered his wallet and left the base to go into town. He decided to go to Iwagakure, since they wouldn't know him there. As he raced through the forest, thoughts on what to buy were surging through his head. He had heard Kakuzu brag about a mask shop in the marketplace so Tobi would check there first. Though Tobi hadn't the slightest idea of what to buy, he would just pick out what he liked.

When Tobi was at the outskirts of Iwa, he preformed a transformation jutsu. He transformed into his old outfit, black shirt, pants, gloves, and shoes and his little green scarf. He continued into the village and headed toward the market. He stopped and looked in the window of _Mask Shop, We Sell Masks_. He walked in and stood in the entrance, amazed.

There were masks all over the walls of the store. Tobi collapsed to his knees and uttered one word. "Whoa!" He staggered up and gazed at all the masks. He slowly walked over to the cashier…he was overwhelmed by the store.

He walked over to the Goth at the register. She was chewing gum and reading a punk magazine, Tobi thought she liked her job. He cheerfully slapped his hands on the counter and began to talk.

"Hi! How are you?" he said happily. The Goth didn't look up, so Tobi continued. "Can you help me; I'd like to buy a mask?" This time the Goth looked up, "Okay…go get a mask, bring it up here and _leave_" Tobi was astonished. "Don't take that tone with masks!" Tobi snapped. The girl simply looked up and snapped in Tobi's face. He left the counter and started to shop on his own.

Tobi started on the right wall of the store. It was mostly fanatical sport masks. Tobi took awhile to examine each mask but he managed to pick out a few that he liked. He grabbed a football mask in the shape of a football, a baseball mask in the shape of a baseball, and a hockey mask in the shape of a puck. Tobi set them in the basket he got from the entrance and continued in to the back wall. The back wall was festive masks. Tobi started to hum a Christmas carol when he passed a mask shaped like a Christmas tree. He picked out a bunny mask, a pumpkin mask, and a Christmas tree mask. Lastly, Tobi strode up to the front windows and swiped four masks that he liked. One was a white eye cover, another was a fish head, another was a mask with dozens of feathers, and the last one was a star shaped mask. Tobi placed the last of his masks in his basket and walked up to the register.

"Excuse me. Can you help me pick the mask that's right for me?" Tobi asked the Goth girl again.

"Can't you see that I'm busy reading a magazine? Just pay and leave." She sneered.

Tobi was flabbergasted. "Well, I never!" He threw down the money, grabbed a bag placed his masks in and left.

Tobi stomped down the street. He was furious. Nobody should be allowed to take that tone around masks. He started to plot a revenge scheme, but got distracted as he passed _Big Bob's Bargain Bounty Store_. They had a special. Tobi took his wallet out of his bag and examined the amount of money in there. Before he left, he stuffed most of the Akatsuki's money in his wallet, and now he smiled under his new bunny mask. He was going bargain hunting.

XXX

Tobi had just finished bringing all of his newly bought items into the driveway of the base. He stretched and thought that he made a good buy, spending nearly half of the Akatsuki's budget on all of his purchase. He froze though when he heard voices from the surrounding woods. They were unmistakable. They belonged to the rest of Akatsuki.

Tobi stood up to confront his other nine comrades. They all stood there with gaping mouths as they noticed all of the items.

"Tobi…what is the meaning of this?" Pein asked, threatening Tobi.

"Well it obviously looks like he went shopping." Kisame said with an edge.

"And where did you get the money?" Kakuzu asked harshly.

"Well…I…uh, well…um used our organization's money." Tobi answered, staring at his feet, "But I got a bunch of new masks, if you guys want to wear-." Tobi added, but was cut off by Itachi.

"You got a bounce house!?" He said it in a harsh tone.

Hidan jumped over to it and got on. He started to bounce on it. His three headed scythe caught on a side and it popped. The house all came down on Hidan. "You didn't get the scythe proof option!?" He yelled.

Konan directed the rest of the Akatsuki's attention over tom the other side of goods. "You bought a light up sign that says _Akatsuki resides here_!?"

"Exactly how much did you spend on all of this junk?" Kakuzu asked, with a menacing gaze.

"Well…a lot" Tobi answered.

"TOBI!!!" Kakuzu shot toward Tobi, who ran for cover.


	4. Kisame

**What the Akatsuki Do When They're Bored**

**Kisame**

It was an unusually bright day. All of the Akatsuki members were outside enjoying themselves. All of them, that is, except Kisame. He didn't want to go outside. If he was outside on sunny days like this, he would get a horrible case of sunburn. So Kisame was sitting, cross-legged, on the couch watching the fishing channel. He had just finished his third burger and was slowly drinking a jumbo cola. He was just bored.

Kisame slowly rose from his sitting position on the couch. He started drinking his cola and then threw it on the floor when he realized he would receive no more cola from it. He stretched, raising his arms in the air, and then slumped over into a big yawn. He started to pace in circles to get his blood flowing and then he picked up his sword. He swung it around a few times and then put it on his back and walked in the kitchen.

Kisame arrived in the kitchen and opened up the fridge. He pulled out a chicken leg and started to munch on it. He walked out of the kitchen and headed toward his room. As he was walking down the hallway, and munching on the bird, he gazed at the paintings as he passed them. He wasn't much of a friend with Pein though, he hated the paintings more. When he came up to his room, he found it spotless, so he came to the conclusion that Itachi had been in it recently. Kisame hated how Itachi always came and cleaned his room. So Kisame quickly dirtied it up and sat on his bed.

He snatched the issue of _ClayBoy _that Deidara gave to him and started reading it. After a few moments, Kisame threw it on threw ground along with his chicken leg and snarled. He liked _FishBoy_ much better. So Kisame got up and grabbed the mask that Tobi gave him. The mask was in the shape of a fish and covered most of Kisame's face. He went ahead and put it on. He snarled and ripped it off because it rubbed his now dry skin the wrong way. Kisame searched for his bottle of moisturizer and opened it up.

He squirted a large amount of it into his hands and rubbed them together. He put them up to his cheeks and started to apply it in a slow motion.

"Wax on…wax off…wax on…wax off." Kisame mumbled to keep himself on beat. When he used all of the lotion in his hands he closed the bottle and threw it back on the shelf. He crept over to Scratch, his pet fish, and started waving his moist hand at it.

Scratch slowly swam in a circle and then did a flip. Kisame smiled, he was his best friend. He grabbed the can of fish food and sprinkled some into his hand. He then dumped it into the bowl and watched Scratch rapidly eat it. Kisame wondered why Scratch liked it so much, and he put a few minutes into thinking about it. So Kisame sprinkled some more into his hand and he licked it up.

He loved it.

Kisame actually liked it. He dumped the rest of the can in his mouth and craved more. He ran over to the closet where he kept the food and grabbed another can. He wolfed it down and grabbed another. He continued the process until he was out of cans. He collapsed on his bed, he was bloated. He lay in the middle with his limbs hanging over the sides. Soon though, Kisame drifted off into a heavy sleep.

Kisame woke to a spotless room with the blinds to his window pulled up so there was sunshine streaming in. Kisame panicked…his skin was drying out. He grabbed the bottle of lotion and started applying it to his whole body this time. He took time to vigorously spread it, and when he was finished, he was all moist. He realized that he was hungry and ran out to the kitchen, forgetting to close the blinds.

He opened up the fridge and pulled out a cup ramen. He placed it in the microwave and watched the cup spin around while it was heating up. He kept getting the urge that he forget to do something, but pushed the thought away. He pulled out the pork flavored ramen out of the microwave and grabbed ma pair of chopsticks.

"Idatakimatsu!" He chanted and then started eating. It took him no time to finish the small cup of ramen so he had a few more. He finished a dozen in an hour and went back to his room so he could polish his sword.

He froze at the entrance of his room. Sunlight had covered his room! Most of it was on Scratch's fish tank, and the outcome was that the water was evaporating. Kisame dashed over to Scratch and pulled him out of the puddle of his home.

Kisame didn't have anything to put him so he just rubbed moisturizer on him. He stroked every part of the fish and let him lay on his stomach. Kisame soon looked up and saw the lifeless body of his best friend.

"Why…why does the world have to be so cruel?" Kisame sobbed. His skin was peeling, so Kisame grabbed the moisturizer and applied it bottle between sobs. His eyes met the back of the bottle. There it read: _hazardous to the health of fish._ Kisame then realized that it was him who killed Scratch.

"Oh," he mumbled and applied some more to himself. Suddenly a light bulb clicked on in his head. He was part fish! "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!" He screamed as he ran toward the bathroom.


End file.
